Have Some Fun!

I don't know when it first started happening, (probably long, long before I was born in any case!), but men are afraid of women. My first intuition would be that this is a recent development. They can vote, we've got the first women speaker in the House, they work more and are less traditional wives. But if you look back in history men have been afraid of women for a long time. Shakespeare wrote about fear of rejection and heartache. Look back to Roman and Greek times...the evidence is there too.

Is there any rational reason for this fear? No way! Most men are terrified of women. They'd rather go up against King Leonidas and his band of 299 than even go up to a woman and strike up a convo. Ask her out? They might as well jump off a cliff before that! Men have slowly come to view dating as a chore. It's an oppressive "journey" that has to be traveled numerous times, many of which no clear end is in sight. This isn't how dating should be viewed. If you hold this view it only hampers your ability to meet and interact with women.

Dating should be fun. It should be the time of your life. That's right I said it. It should be one of the most enjoyable activities of your life. Meeting someone new who could potentially be an awesome partner? Why wouldn't that be great? Go out to a date nervous and afraid and she'll pick up on that.

"Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." I believe (after a quick Googling) that Abraham Lincoln said that.

Wise, wise words. If dating is scary it's because you've made it that way. You've chosen to let it scare you or view it in that manner. Dating *should* be fun. You should enjoy getting out and meeting someone new. Stop worrying about impressing her. Go into every date expecting that SHE is going to amuse you. She's going to bring something new to the table to make her stand out from every other woman out there. She's going to want to make YOU feel good and interested in her. You should want to do the same as well, within reason that is.

When's the last time you can honestly say you *enjoyed* someone's company? If you can even peg a memory it's probably from a long time ago. Look at every new woman as an OPPORTUNITY. They're all seeds of greatness. Plant a lot of them, water them and give them attention but not too much. Some will flower and grow and others are rooted in too rocky terrain. Some will end up being pretty flowers and a few will end up being thorny brambles. It's hard to tell from early on what you'll but you'll never know if you don't have a good attitude about it and give it a shot.

My reasoning on dating has evolved over the years in terms of what can happen with a new woman or a date.

Past-10,001 things.
5 years ago-The worst thing that can happen is she doesn't like you.
Present-There is no worst thing that can happen.

There are more women than men. Every year the number grows. Check out the latest census info and you'll see it plain as day. If a date doesn't work out, the UPSIDE is that you know she is a no-go and you're on to the next one. You haven't "lost" anything since there were was nothing there to gain in the first place. Actually you might be a little wiser for the wear. Maybe you've spotted qualities you don't like in women, which over time helps you hone your idea of what you DO want.

So get out there and enjoy your dating. You're worth it, aren't you? (If you answered no to that slap yourself!) Find someone who thinks so, the odds are in your favor.  ¶ 10:44 AM

  Changing Your Ways

I used to have a routine. I'd meet a girl on MySpace, Match, Hotornot or whatever and catch her interest with an initial email. Maybe my profile had something to do with it, maybe my humor our first time around. Usually these fizzled out, and I used to think it was me. Looking back, most of the time either she wasn't interested or it WAS me. What's different now? I don't care.

I used to. I used to care a great deal about what women thought of me. I think it even went to the level of innately measuring my self-worth based on their opinions. Silly right? Most men do it but we don't even realize it. So it came to a point where enough fizzled out, and I'd gone through enough women saying "I won't do the same routine this time" that I decided to change.

Change tactic?! Oh no! But it WAS working! Sort of...right? If you're not getting past the 2cd date, (and you definitely want to), something *isn't* working. It's time to change your approach. Most men get comfortable falling into a routine where they say and do the same things. That's boring. You've done if before and you'll exude that indifference and monotony.

The most difficult part of changing for me was that things used to seem different and so new. New methods of approaching, new attitudes towards women. When you've thought about, acted and dealt with them in the same manner for years you get really set in your ways, aware of it or not. Suddenly a radically different approach makes you uneasy. An important thing to keep in mind here is that at one point in your life EVERYTHING was new. You didn't have set ways. You had to try new things out. You didn't have a favorite food. You didn't know if you could play football.

Every time I feel like I'm hitting a "slump" I modify my approach. Sometimes a little, sometimes it's a major overhaul. Grabbing some new clothes, a new haircut or cologne in addition always spruces up your self-esteem. I came up with this saying: "When you inflect it project." If you feel better about yourself-more confident etc, women will notice it. You'll exude that confidence. And THAT'S what is attractive to them. If I've learned anything in the past 5 years it's that women WANT to be approached. They WANT to be hit on. It's a self-esteem boost for them. And if you're not a stuttering Stanley when you do it you differentiate yourself from 90% of the men out there.

Be an Alpha Male! Genetically they're going to be attracted to it. You even see this in culture. The "heroes" in movies, are they wimpy characters? No way! Indiana Jones, James Bond, Tyler Durden...rebels who make no apologies and do wha they think is right, damned what anyone else has to say. They are their own men. And women go NUTS for them.  ¶ 10:32 AM

  Rejection

If you think that women who reject your drink offers or date requests are frightening, you don't know what true rejection is about. Once a man sees what true rejection is, he realizes how childish it is to fear approaching unfamiliar women.

True rejection occurs when a woman rejects a man with whom she has spent a considerable amount of time. It is the ultimate rejection because the man is dismissed due to his all-around identity.

One of my good college friends had his heart ripped out by his fiancée, who left him after six years of what he thought was a wonderful relationship. Now that's rejection. In fact, you would think that his self-esteem took a beating and that he has a hard time approaching women, but he talks to new women all the time. I asked him how he does it and he explained that once you get the ultimate rejection, everything else is like a walk in the park.

Learn to be afraid of REGRET more than rejection.  ¶ 10:25 AM