Ever go get a girl’s number, and have it just feel really awkward and contrived? Any idea why that was?

Imagine you’ve met a girl you liked a lot, and the two of you talked for ten minutes. Things went really well for the first seven or eight minutes, but they started to die down at the end. Finally, she says, “Well, I have to go find my friends.” 

You tell her, “Wait, we have to trade numbers!” But how does that ? You’re very clearly chasing after her, aren’t you?

In that situation, where the woman is walking away and the man is pursuing her, the dynamic is very much not in his favor. We as people tend to value others we have to work for, and when she does not have to do any work – and in fact is running away from the man while he puts in work – it sets up entirely the wrong dynamic.

There are, believe it or not, a number of points in almost every conversation where you can very naturally grab a girl’s contact information. These are called “high points” – the points in the conversation where the two of you are laughing, enjoying yourselves and each other, and having great, fascinating conversation. And there are a few very good reasons why it’s better to grab a phone number after a high point.

Think about it like this. You met someone and had a conversation, but at the end things got a little boring and you decided you wanted to go. And that person then asked for your phone number. You feel a little weird about it, don’t you? I mean, you’re leaving the conversation – you obviously have had enough of talking to them. And now they’re asking for your contact information?

Now, the other side: let’s say you’ve met someone, and you’re having a great conversation. You’re learning cool new things, find this person intriguing, and you’re laughing. In the middle of all of this, your new friend says, “Hey, we’ve got to trade cells so we can keep in touch.” How do you feel now? You probably readily agree to swapping numbers, right?

It feels far more natural to other people to swap numbers when the conversation is flowing well and is exciting and fresh. They think to themselves, “Well, of course I’d like to talk to this person again!” Whereas, the guy who waits until things are dying down at the end of the conversation, he is clearly chasing and pursuing someone who is fleeing and has decided she wants the conversation to end for now.

Getting the phone number in the middle of a conversation, following a high point, is always superior to waiting until the end. There’s really no reason to wait. The only potential awkward moment with a natural number swap is the moment following the trading of numbers: most people are so used to trading numbers at the end of a conversation, they are expecting the conversation to end – but because the conversation was going so well, they don’t really want it to. Which means it will be your responsibility to keep the conversation going, keep the good feelings coming, and help your new friend feel reassured that everything will stay natural and good with you.

Here’s an example of how that might look:

two computer bags instead of one!

Girl: Haha, that’s so funny!

Guy: For sure. Let’s trade cells, before I forget. Have one of these? [shows her his phone]

Girl: Of course. It’s 1-5-8…

Guy: Hold on a sec, let me get in here. … OK, let me have it.

[after guy has her number and called her so she has his]

Guy: So, nurse, huh… I understand that’s a position in pretty high demand right now.

Girl: Totally, it’s blah blah

You can have her give you her number and call her from your phone so she has yours, or you can have her put your number in her phone and call you. Either way works fine.

The only thing that must be managed to an extent in this exchange is this: the moment after the number swap is a moment of uncertainty, that you must take charge of the moment to let women know that things are going to stay natural and OK in the conversation, and the phone number didn’t change anything. Make certain you manage it, and everything will go smoothly from there.

This is a very strong, confident way of grabbing contact information and continuing on with the conversation, and you will commonly see increased attraction following it. It’s the best way to get phone numbers out there, and 100% natural, too.

The money just brought all of our mistrust into focus, this constant suspicion each of us had that the other one wasn't pulling their weight.

Foundation #1: Honesty

It strikes me as odd that this would need to be a foundation that I list as important but far too often people lie in order to get what they want. Being honest with yourself and with other people is the most important foundation to success. If you lie to a woman and she finds out then your trust will always be in question. To really understand why honesty is so important we must understand why people lie. People lie to protect the truth because of fear, shame and insecurity. Notice that the attributes I listed, fear, shame and insecurity are all attributes that are synonymous with low self esteem. Honestly is so important because it shows that you are confident in the face of fear. We have all done things that we are not proud of but it takes character of exceptional quality to admit your wrong doings.

Honesty is the background of any relationship and if you don’t have the ability to clearly communicate what you want then you will never get what you want because no one can read your mind. You must be honest and upfront with what you want in a partner, relationship and every other aspect of your life.

If you approach a girl and begin lying to her in order for her to like you then you are communicating that you are not good enough on your own. You are also communicating that she shouldn’t trust you because you are trying to be someone you aren’t. Honestly is the currency we exchange for trust and once that currency is no longer valuable we lose the ability to be trustworthy.

Foundation #2: Nothing is About You

To be successful in your dating life you MUST learn to not take things personally. Every person on this planet lives in their own reality with their own morality and their judgments define them, not you. When we take things personally it becomes the maximum expression of selfishness because we think everything is about us.

Rejection is a state of mind and if you understand that the actions and words of other people define who they are and not who you are, you will free yourself from unwanted suffering. This foundation is one that you must keep in your mind, write it on your walls… Don’t take things personally. Once you embrace this concept and it becomes part of your life you will be able to approach people without fear of rejection because you know that it’s not about you!

Foundation #3: Don’t Assume Anything

When you assume you know the answer to something without finding the truth you project your own insecurities, thoughts and feelings on to someone or something else. By making assumptions you place a wall of fog between you and the truth. This is why it is so important not to make assumptions.

You may be asking yourself how does this have to do with my dating life? Imagine you see a beautiful girl in the book store. You want to talk to her but you think to yourself, “She is way out of my league.” You are making an assumption based on your own insecurities that will cause you to not even approach her. When you make assumptions you believe the lies that you tell yourself instead of seeking the truth. Save yourself the frustration and go talk to her, worst case scenario is that you are right but what if you are wrong and she loves you. When you make assumptions you limit yourself in harmful ways.

Foundation #4: Just Do It

One of the deadliest enemies to success in your dating life is that guys won’t just try something new. They are too busy making assumptions and taking things personally to just do it. If you want to be successful with women you are going to have to talk to them and quiet the chatter that tells you that you are going to fail. Get out there and approach people and stop trying to find the best tactic or routines for girls to like you. At the end of the day if you are not meeting people you are not going to change your success.

As guys we tend to regret NOT doing something more then we regret doing something. Don’t open yourself up to needless regrets and go talk to her.

If you follow these 4 foundations then I promise you your dating life will change in a major way. You will find that not only do your results improve but your life will begin to improve in such drastic ways. Print this article out and hang it on your wall, follow these foundations and watch the progress that happens with a simple shifting of your mind.

Alpha Trait #1: Take Nothing Personally.

One of the most prominent traits of an alpha man is that he doesn’t take things personally. Far too often guys will take things personally and make the words or actions of other people about them. An alpha man doesn’t care if other people are talking about him because he is secure in who he is. He is not afraid of rejection because he knows that other people have their own realities.

Alpha Trait #2: He Lives In His Own World.

The frame that an alpha man presents is one that is solid and unshaken by the actions around him. He has clear goals in mind and isn’t deterred by the actions of others. In his world he is the man and he is going to pursue what he wants. The frame that he uses is a powerful one that displays confidence and self assurance.

Alpha Trait #3: He is Confident NOT Arrogant.

Confidence is often confused with arrogance but the two are vastly different. A true alpha man is confident in who he is and does not need to brag or boast. When you are the man you don’t need to seek approval from other people. Approval seeking behavior is what low self worth people do in order to feel better about who they are. An alpha man has true confidence and it shows from his actions.
You can see from other people’s behavior if they are truly an alpha by the way they treat others.

An alpha man is dominant in his mindset but open to others around him. He is unaffected by other’s insults but empathic to their plight.

Alpha Trait #4: He is a Giver…. Not a Taker

An alpha man is one who gives value rather than takes it. He has nothing to prove to anyone else and therefore has no need to boast or brag. He seeks to leave people better than he found them because that is one of the chief marks of confidence. If someone comes and tries to intimidate him he does not match insult for insult but defuses the situation by being above it.

Alpha Trait #5: He is Dominate… Not Controlling.

A true alpha man knows what he wants and he goes after it without the approval of other people. He doesn’t wait for it to be “okay” to touch the girl, he touches often and it is natural to him. He controls the conversation but allows input, direction and other topics to be addressed. The alpha man is the leader of situations and stays cool under pressure. He doesn’t get flustered under pressure but remains calm and collected.

How to be an Alpha Man.

Being an alpha man is something you do when you start out and something you become when you embrace it. Make no mistake, being an alpha man doesn’t mean you are the strongest, smartest or coolest person in the room, it means you are the most self assured man in the room. Do not mistake alpha with asshole, they are worlds apart. An alpha man will often speak his mind but he does it out of empathy not malice. He will ask for what he wants and not hold back out of fear. Being an alpha man is about integrity and honesty in the face of certain disapproval. You cannot second guess your action and you must not be quick to anger for an alpha man is in control of his emotions and displays them when the time is right.

HOW DOES ONE ACHIEVE TRUE HAPPINESS?

This is the most advanced version of all of this. The key to true happiness is to surround yourself with the things that keep you in state and happy. This means good food, good drinks, good friends, good entertainment, good conversation, good music, good scenery, good women, good family, and anything else you can think of that brings a smile to your face.